Toilet Paper That Makes You Poop Better, Etc.

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According to this loud, colorful wrapping on these toilet paper rolls, if you wipe your shit with this stuff your bowel movements will improve. I don’t think there’s any science to it, but there is a little diagram pointing to the constipation pressure point on your hand.

Actually, let me back up a sec and be more specific. The yellow roll facilitates pooping; the pink and green are more educational, teaching you has-been words (in Japanese they’re called "dead words," words that used to be popular but aren’t anymore) and Chinese characters for different fish species, respectively.