Clean toilet, better luck tomorrow.

Shukan Gendai just clued me in as to why my luck’s been faltering these days. I rendered my laptop obsolete by spilling OJ on the keyboard; dropped my cell phone in a NYC ditch, destroying the display; and woke up to find out that my next door neighbor had died while I was out. It turns out, though, that there’s a perfectly sound reason for my misfortunes. I wasn’t paying adequate homage to the toilet gods.

Apparently, cleaning your toilet frequently has proven to turn your luck from shit-filled to ceramically shiny. A former rock star testifies that stocks they owned suddenly rose in value when he started wiping his bowl daily; filmmaker Beat Takeshi admitted that he had followed a fortune teller’s advice to do the same during his awards speech for Hana-Bi at the Venice Film Festival. This also explains a lot of mysterious trends in Japan, like why an enshrined golden poop is the top-selling cell phone strap in the nation.

I’m gonna go clean my bathroom now.